A Small Cheat

My sister, Peggy, sent this to me. I am sure that many of you got this as one of those “forwards” that you despise in your inbox. But I thought these words were so funny that I actually laughed out loud while sitting alone at the computer. Another day I’ll rant about “forwards” but not today.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners. None of them get through spellcheck.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in
the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when
you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is
sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And
then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you’ve accidentally walked
through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in
the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an
asshole.

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