Author: marymom

HIGH ANXIETY

TODAY’S WORRY

I don’t like heights. More specifically, I don’t like driving in high places. Over bridges and overpasses. On cliffs. It is a mind numbing, palm sweating, getting the shakes experience for me. I don’t know why. But, ta-da, on Friday I took a small step towards getting over my phobia. I had to pick up my dear friend, Sophie, at the airport. This meant I had to drive through the Virgin River Gorge. It was so much more important to me to see my friend than to give into the fear. So I put on Original Spin really loudly, sang at the top of my lungs, went slowly, and did it. Much later that night, I drove through another spot that makes me uncomfortable, but, in the dark, you can’t see what you are afraid of. Hmmmm. I need to think some more about this.

(blank)-a-phobia

If you’ve got something that you are afraid of, chances are its got a name. Afraid of cats? That’s ailurophobia. The number 13? Triskaidekaphobia. The idea of working give you the willies? I think you’ve got ergophobia. And, of course, my favorite –

acrophobia – a morbid fear of heights

Even though I know that a phobia is “a persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous,”
it is very, very difficult to overcome it.

A small deception

I know that I will regret admitting this. When I was a little girl, I loved dessert. At our house, we used to have a breadman who came every day or so with a kind of foldout case full of breads and sweets. He worked for a bakery called Dugan’s. They sold these cupcakes that had about a quarter inch of solidified sugary icing on top. Did I eat the cupcake? No, I peeled the icing off and just ate that. When Peggy and I went to Chamber’s Drug Store, I always got a chocolate ice cream cone. At Newberry’s, chocolate milk shakes. At the beach, a bottle of YooHoo.

But if you ask people who know me, they will say, Mary doesn’t like dessert and she doesn’t like chocolate. Well, of course I do. But as an adult and always on a diet, I started telling people that I don’t like dessert or chocolate or anything sweet. I’ve done this for years and years. Now people don’t offer it to me anymore. It makes things so much easier. The strange thing is, though, I’ve sort of convinced myself. Now I just need to start telling people that I don’t like chips.

THE MUMBLE-STANS

When the Soviet Union dissolved and member nations got their independence, a number of them in central Asia ended in “stan.” They were grouped together and called the mumble-stans. Just so you know, “stan” means land. So that it would be possible to have an Icestan or an Engstan. (England actually means “land of angels.”) Anyway, there has been political unrest this week in Kyrgyzstan. Truth be told, I had no idea where this place was, who lived there or why it mattered. I did a little investigation and now you and I can be experts on Kyrgyzstan. A great place to find out about this and other countries is www.cia.gov. That’s where this information about Kyrgyzstan can be found. Who would have thought that the CIA had a website?

Kyrgyzstan is a Central Asian country of incredible natural beauty and proud nomadic traditions. Kyrgyzstan was annexed by Russia in 1864; it achieved independence from the Soviet Union in 1991. It is slightly smaller than South Dakota (and they have the letters “a,” “s” and “t” in common) and is bordered by China, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan. It’s got weather all over the map; from polar in the mountains of Tien Shan to subtropical in the southwest. A little known fact is that Kyrgyzstan has the world’s largest natural growth walnut forest. Another little know fact is that the capital is Bishkek. The literacy among the adult population is 97% which, surprisingly (or maybe not), is the same as it is in the U.S. The people die a little earlier, about 10 years earlier, than folks in the U.S. This may be due to the fact that in this agricultural society 50% of the population falls below the poverty line. Their government is surprisingly like our own; executive, bicameral legislature and a supreme court.

Here are these people, whom we know almost nothing about living their lives in some remote place with a governmental structure similar to ours. But now you can impress your friends and neighbors with your newfound knowledge. You just have to figure out how to pronounce Kyrgyzstan.

A Small Cheat

My sister, Peggy, sent this to me. I am sure that many of you got this as one of those “forwards” that you despise in your inbox. But I thought these words were so funny that I actually laughed out loud while sitting alone at the computer. Another day I’ll rant about “forwards” but not today.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners. None of them get through spellcheck.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in
the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when
you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is
sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And
then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you’ve accidentally walked
through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in
the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an
asshole.

HAM, LAMB OR TURKEY

TODAY’S MUSING

(Note: Last week I was taken to task by one of my ardent readers for wasting my time worrying. I realize that not all of my entries are worries and will try to reflect that in my subject headings.)

I heard on the radio that about fifty percent of Americans were serving ham for Easter dinner. Why ham? So I asked myself, WWJE? Well, Jesus sure wasn’t going to be eating ham since pork products are against Jewish dietary law. John and I, as is our wont, had a lengthy discussion about this. I took the position that ham was a break with the old convenant that followed kosher laws. So that the eating of ham is a symbolic gesture. John countered that it was more likely that a pig had been slaughtered in the autumn and cured over the winter making it a good choice for a spring dinner. From there we discussed the use of lamb as a spring festival dinner entree. At Passover, lamb is traditionally eaten. In fact, a lamb shank is put on the seder plate as a reminder of the blood of the lamb which was smeared on the doorposts of the Hebrews so the Angel of Death would pass over their houses when dealing out the final plague. Maybe lamb is too Old Testament for Easter.

I don’t know why people eat whatever but at our house we always had turkey for Easter. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter it was our festive food of choice.

And you thought I wasted my time worrying.

Kosher

Kosher is a word that comes from a Hebrew root meaning fitting or proper. In Judaism it refers to the following of dietary laws. In modern parlance, it has taken on new meaning which reflects its root.

Kosher
In Judaism – Conforming to dietary laws; ritually pure: kosher meat.
Selling or serving food prepared in accordance with dietary laws: a kosher restaurant.

In slang – Legitimate; permissible
Genuine; authentic

Not Kevin or Sir Francis

What is more seductive than the smell of bacon? Ah, pork fat. Alas, you sigh, not really a part of a healthy diet. But I’ll bet that just reading these few short sentences have you imagining the aroma and crisp fattiness of bacon. When I was a kid I loved bacon sandwiches on squishy, untoasted white bread. The bread was dotted with clumps of butter which melted very slightly from the heat of the bacon. Stop! Back to diet tips! My point is, that any food can be part of a healthy diet as long as you don’t overdo it. Two slices of bacon are only about 90 calories. Yes, the fat content is high so you probably shouldn’t be eating it every day. I find, though, when I am craving a certain food, it is better to just go ahead and eat it rather than eat ten other things first trying to deny what I really want.

BLOOMING DESERT

TODAY’S OBSERVATION (totally non-controversial)

We were in the Mojave Desert yesterday. Since we’ve been there a lot, we know what it normally looks like. Pretty much brown and dry with some sage, manzanita, Joshua trees, and cacti. But there has been one heck of a lot of rain in the southwest and the desert is blooming. In fact, I heard that the amount of blooming is a once in a lifetime event. The seeds have lain on the desert floor dormant waiting for the rain. Sometimes for years and years. But this year the Mojave is covered with intensely gold flowers and light yellow ones along the verge. The Joshua trees have large white blooms. The cacti are about ready to break out into their vibrant reds, pinks and yellows. In the Virgin River Gorge, every crack in the rock has abundant grasses. It’s really amazing. Also amazing is the amount of giant bugs that manage to get squished on your windshield and front grill. You have to stop every hundred miles and clean them off or you can’t see the road.